Nartgatrul is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, sage elephant.

Nartgatrul created a quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Nartgatrul, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Nartgatrul, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Nartgatrul's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Nartgatrul's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your head red.

2. Never talk about comets.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always look after injured aardvarks.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.