Yogjaptaf is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, idiotic gorilla.

Yogjaptaf created a top quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yogjaptaf, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Yogjaptaf, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Yogjaptaf's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Yogjaptaf's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured voles.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not listen to music.