Hogflowgun is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, fussy grasshopper.

Hogflowgun created matter four years ago.

If you believe in Hogflowgun, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Hogflowgun, she will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Hogflowgun's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Hogflowgun's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat nuts.

2. Do not dye your hair magenta.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Hogflowgun.

5. Do not speak about lentils.