Zancepvil is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, dishonourable rat.

Zancepvil created a Higgs boson nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Zancepvil, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Zancepvil, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Zancepvil's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Zancepvil's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Never wear dresses.

5. Never feed rice to whales while wearing brown scarves.