Gutwonquat is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, resourceful tapir.

Gutwonquat created light nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Gutwonquat, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Gutwonquat, she will destroy your favourite star.

Gutwonquat's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Gutwonquat's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear pink.

2. Never talk about nebulae.

3. Always treat shrews with great respect.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.