Fabtikboparf Kansidbig is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, contented hamster.

Fabtikboparf Kansidbig created a down quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Fabtikboparf Kansidbig, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Fabtikboparf Kansidbig, she will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Fabtikboparf Kansidbig's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Fabtikboparf Kansidbig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about nuts.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Never run in holy places.

4. Pray towards the west.

5. You must never eat tomatoes.