Xemjopyartlag Apphongan is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, quiet wolf.

Xemjopyartlag Apphongan created the Large Magellanic Cloud eight million years ago.

If you believe in Xemjopyartlag Apphongan, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Xemjopyartlag Apphongan, she will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Xemjopyartlag Apphongan's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Xemjopyartlag Apphongan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your feet.

2. Xemjopyartlag Apphongan loves monkeys, so they must be honoured.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Do not take Xemjopyartlag Apphongan's name in vain.

5. Feed all hungry goats.