Bonk is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, bad-tempered bee.

Bonk created a top quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bonk, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Bonk, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Bonk's most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Bonk's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat goats with great respect.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Never paint your hands cyan.

5. Pray towards the north.