Dudquimxemfud is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, egotistical rat.

Dudquimxemfud created a down quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Dudquimxemfud, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Dudquimxemfud, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Dudquimxemfud's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Dudquimxemfud's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large tin sculpture of Dudquimxemfud on top of all buildings.

2. Always wear pink.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Never look at black holes.

5. Dudquimxemfud loves bats, so they must be honoured.