Fitwatdab is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, thoughtless jaguar.

Fitwatdab created the world three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fitwatdab, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Fitwatdab, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Fitwatdab's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Fitwatdab's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

2. You must love Fitwatdab.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.