Zogbedbit Honartbeg is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, temperamental giraffe.

Zogbedbit Honartbeg created light five billion years ago.

If you believe in Zogbedbit Honartbeg, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Zogbedbit Honartbeg, it will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Zogbedbit Honartbeg's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Zogbedbit Honartbeg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Do not trade with those who eat peanuts.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Erect five aluminium sculptures of Zogbedbit Honartbeg on top of important buildings.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.