Kanzimwanwon is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, witless walrus.

Kanzimwanwon created dark matter four billion years ago.

If you believe in Kanzimwanwon, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Kanzimwanwon, she will torture you forever.

Kanzimwanwon's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Kanzimwanwon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Always look after injured dogs.