Tamdubhug is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, ruthless goose.

Tamdubhug created humankind nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Tamdubhug, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tamdubhug, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Tamdubhug's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Tamdubhug's Holy Commandments

1. Tamdubhug loves snakes, so they must be honoured.

2. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Never talk about fire.