Hitwip is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, tiresome centipede.

Hitwip created gold eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Hitwip, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Hitwip, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Hitwip's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Hitwip's Holy Commandments

1. Always help doves.

2. Worship no other gods but Hitwip.

3. Never write about galaxies.

4. Never feed peanuts to dogs while wearing mauve jumpers.

5. Do not chop down trees.