Flatmetsid is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, witless fish.

Flatmetsid created Asia six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flatmetsid, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Flatmetsid, she will turn you into a mole.

Flatmetsid's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Flatmetsid's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about cell theory.

2. Always help tapirs.

3. Feed all hungry shrews.

4. Never eat peas.

5. Never eat green fruit.