Gutmilnurl Zakquaffig Liglistlad is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, selfish fly.

Gutmilnurl Zakquaffig Liglistlad created dark energy seven million years ago.

If you believe in Gutmilnurl Zakquaffig Liglistlad, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gutmilnurl Zakquaffig Liglistlad, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Gutmilnurl Zakquaffig Liglistlad's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Gutmilnurl Zakquaffig Liglistlad's Holy Commandments

1. Gutmilnurl Zakquaffig Liglistlad must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never hurt grasshopers.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always help squirrels in need.

5. Always treat nematodes with great respect.