Sidbanzak Kapsis is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, omnipotent lobster.

Sidbanzak Kapsis created the planet Earth seven million years ago.

If you believe in Sidbanzak Kapsis, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Sidbanzak Kapsis, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Sidbanzak Kapsis' most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Sidbanzak Kapsis' Holy Commandments

1. Hamsters are not to be trusted.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Put Sidbanzak Kapsis first in all things.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.