Fatmonnak is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, almighty cat.

Fatmonnak created snails five billion years ago.

If you believe in Fatmonnak, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Fatmonnak, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Fatmonnak's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Fatmonnak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your face.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Never write about gravity.

4. Fatmonnak must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.