Vagmonstip is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, quiet grasshopper.

Vagmonstip created humanity five million years ago.

If you believe in Vagmonstip, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Vagmonstip, she will not care at all.

Vagmonstip's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Vagmonstip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear zinc on your body.

2. You must pray to Vagmonstip six times a day.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Do not drink alcohol.