Larpquamontflambus is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, awesome dingo.

Larpquamontflambus created dark energy five billion years ago.

If you believe in Larpquamontflambus, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Larpquamontflambus, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Larpquamontflambus' most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Larpquamontflambus' Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Hide from gray squirrels for they are unholy.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Larpquamontflambus.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Never think ill of sick ants.