Futnelrill Rakspagyik is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, egotistical giraffe.

Futnelrill Rakspagyik created an up quark five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Futnelrill Rakspagyik, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Futnelrill Rakspagyik, he will send you a sign.

Futnelrill Rakspagyik's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Futnelrill Rakspagyik's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about geese.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Futnelrill Rakspagyik.

3. Never eat lemons.

4. Never think ill of sick cats.

5. Do not trade with those who eat melons.