Jipmabbop is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, contented narwhal.

Jipmabbop created humankind five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jipmabbop, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Jipmabbop, she will turn you into a frog.

Jipmabbop's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Jipmabbop's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear gray.

2. Always make sure there are no gulls in a room before entering it.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Do not take Jipmabbop's name in vain.

5. Always help shrews.