Talpascid is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, intelligent manatee.

Talpascid created carbon eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Talpascid, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Talpascid, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Talpascid's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Talpascid's Holy Commandments

1. Talpascid loves snakes, so they must be respected.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Always obey Talpascid's priests.

4. Talpascid loves horses, so they must be honoured.

5. Never eat oranges.