Bapvinkenfas is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, all-knowing fish.

Bapvinkenfas created matter eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bapvinkenfas, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Bapvinkenfas, he will turn you into a hamster.

Bapvinkenfas' most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Bapvinkenfas' Holy Commandments

1. Bapvinkenfas loves whales, so they must be honoured.

2. Do not shave your feet.

3. Always make sure there are no ducks in a room before entering it.

4. Never talk about moons.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.