Honlagcat is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, conceited turtle.

Honlagcat created Europe eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Honlagcat, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Honlagcat, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Honlagcat's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Honlagcat's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt grasshopers.

2. Never wear boots.

3. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Do not jump in public.