Fadnatjarn is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, quiet tortoise.

Fadnatjarn created matter eight million years ago.

If you believe in Fadnatjarn, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Fadnatjarn, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Fadnatjarn's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Fadnatjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Fadnatjarn.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Never sit in the presence of moths.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Never paint your face pink.