Gatfitster is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, charitable monkey.

Gatfitster created dark energy six billion years ago.

If you believe in Gatfitster, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Gatfitster, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Gatfitster's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Gatfitster's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your neck.

2. Pray towards the west.

3. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Never look at nebulae.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.