Quatgedmid is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, happy crane.

Quatgedmid created matter four years ago.

If you believe in Quatgedmid, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Quatgedmid, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Quatgedmid's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Quatgedmid's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Always treat whales with great respect.

5. Do not wear silicon on your body.