Ontquimfotominganwipgamwad is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, stupid fairy.

Ontquimfotominganwipgamwad created parasitic wasps three million years ago.

If you believe in Ontquimfotominganwipgamwad, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Ontquimfotominganwipgamwad, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Ontquimfotominganwipgamwad's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Ontquimfotominganwipgamwad's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear blue.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never talk about amino acids.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Always help snakes.