Vanganfen is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, resourceful bird.

Vanganfen created the world nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vanganfen, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Vanganfen, it will turn you into a hamster.

Vanganfen's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Vanganfen's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate voles.

2. Do not drink water in fawn rooms.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never feed cucumbers to mice while wearing purple corsets.