Kapquillkap is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, confident giraffe.

Kapquillkap created a charm quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kapquillkap, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Kapquillkap, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Kapquillkap's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Kapquillkap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear iron on your body.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Never think ill of sick hamsters.

4. Run away from blue swans, for they are unholy.

5. Run away if seven sharks approach from the west.