Pigrulrut Kaptaddiss is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, unsympathetic monkey.

Pigrulrut Kaptaddiss created carbon nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Pigrulrut Kaptaddiss, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Pigrulrut Kaptaddiss, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Pigrulrut Kaptaddiss' most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Pigrulrut Kaptaddiss' Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. You must never eat strawberries.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Do not chop down trees.