Vonkmisyakniggarponbap is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, moody wolf.

Vonkmisyakniggarponbap created dark energy eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkmisyakniggarponbap, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Vonkmisyakniggarponbap, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Vonkmisyakniggarponbap's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Vonkmisyakniggarponbap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Vonkmisyakniggarponbap.

4. Always help dogs.

5. Never wear stockings.