Pagladvab is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, witty swallow.

Pagladvab created a photon six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pagladvab, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Pagladvab, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Pagladvab's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Pagladvab's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Pagladvab.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not take Pagladvab's name in vain.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.