Hascemstik is a god.

He takes the form of a large, caring troll.

Hascemstik created water five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hascemstik, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Hascemstik, he will send minions to preach to you.

Hascemstik's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Hascemstik's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Hascemstik three times a day.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Never think about galaxies.

5. You must never eat grapes.