Cemrapteen is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, idiotic capybara.

Cemrapteen created humankind seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Cemrapteen, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Cemrapteen, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Cemrapteen's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Cemrapteen's Holy Commandments

1. Put Cemrapteen first in all things.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never think ill of sick swans.

5. Do not chop down trees.