Bossyarpwan is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, unsympathetic snail.

Bossyarpwan created the Black Eye Galaxy nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bossyarpwan, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Bossyarpwan, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Bossyarpwan's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Bossyarpwan's Holy Commandments

1. Never skip in holy places.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Never feed lentils to manatees while wearing magenta shoes.

4. Pray towards the east.

5. Bossyarpwan must be the most important thing in your life.