Flatzutfum is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, self-confident owl.

Flatzutfum created the Small Magellanic Cloud six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flatzutfum, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Flatzutfum, she will laugh at you.

Flatzutfum's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Flatzutfum's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not drink water in magenta rooms.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Seals are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Do not hurt tortoises.