Tarpkopzog is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, fussy dingo.

Tarpkopzog created the cosmos four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tarpkopzog, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tarpkopzog, he will not care at all.

Tarpkopzog's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Tarpkopzog's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

4. Never go into red rooms.

5. Never talk about fire.