Jarnflatfut is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, conceited goblin.

Jarnflatfut created a down quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnflatfut, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Jarnflatfut, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Jarnflatfut's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Jarnflatfut's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Jarnflatfut.

2. Never talk about cell theory.

3. Do not wear black clothing.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Do not take Jarnflatfut's name in vain.