Bittinweg is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, compassionate tortoise.

Bittinweg created matter three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bittinweg, it will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Bittinweg, it will turn you into a sparrow.

Bittinweg's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Bittinweg's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Never run near rats.

3. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

5. Do not drink alcohol.