Hitlarnkop is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, unthinking goose.

Hitlarnkop created Africa four billion years ago.

If you believe in Hitlarnkop, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Hitlarnkop, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Hitlarnkop's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Hitlarnkop's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Do not listen to music.