Padvanlit is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, quiet spider.

Padvanlit created dark matter six million years ago.

If you believe in Padvanlit, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Padvanlit, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Padvanlit's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Padvanlit's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Do not dye your hair green.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Always help voles.