Figjapnak is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, boastful lizard.

Figjapnak created a quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Figjapnak, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Figjapnak, he will turn you into a puffin.

Figjapnak's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Figjapnak's Holy Commandments

1. Figjapnak must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

3. Never sing near great tits.

4. Never think ill of sick manatees.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.