Nulontjintig is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, smart scorpion.

Nulontjintig created the Andromeda Galaxy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Nulontjintig, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Nulontjintig, he will attempt to scare you with floods.

Nulontjintig's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Nulontjintig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear lead on your body.

2. Never paint your face red.

3. Worship no other gods but Nulontjintig.

4. Never mention swans.

5. Never write about gravity.