Vadyarlkan is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, unthoughtful otter.

Vadyarlkan created a Higgs boson six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vadyarlkan, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Vadyarlkan, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Vadyarlkan's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Vadyarlkan's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Vadyarlkan six times a day.

2. Hide if eight geese approach from the east.

3. Never talk about dolphins.

4. Run away if seven sharks approach from the south.

5. Do not make images of living things.