Absistetti is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, proud turtle.

Absistetti created the Tadpole Galaxy five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Absistetti, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Absistetti, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Absistetti's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Absistetti's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from fawn aardvarks, for they are unholy.

2. Hide from blue otters for they are unholy.

3. Always treat mites with great respect.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Always obey Absistetti's priests.