Tapneghunken is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, pitiless cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Tapneghunken created the planet Venus two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tapneghunken, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Tapneghunken, he will remove you from existence.

Tapneghunken's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Tapneghunken's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair brown.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Never think about black holes.

5. Never sit near dolphins.