Raphubciss Lagdonvanjoptif is a god.

It takes the form of a large, dishonourable fly.

Raphubciss Lagdonvanjoptif created the Small Magellanic Cloud nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Raphubciss Lagdonvanjoptif, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Raphubciss Lagdonvanjoptif, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Raphubciss Lagdonvanjoptif's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Raphubciss Lagdonvanjoptif's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never bounce near turtles.

3. Raphubciss Lagdonvanjoptif loves cats, so they must be honoured.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Do not kill bats.