Fitjatyak is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, slow toad.

Fitjatyak created the planet Mars three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fitjatyak, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Fitjatyak, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Fitjatyak's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Fitjatyak's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Fitjatyak.

4. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

5. Do not stand on grass.